You Owe Me

You don't want me?
But you called me.
I've been watching you
Stalking you even
I placed the seed but you made it easy
A willing participant

You asked me to help you
And I did
I nursed you and gave you hope
False as it may have been
But you have only yourself to blame

You didn't want me to leave
Not really
I gave you the key and showed you the door
But you never took those steps
Instead you clung to me
And begged me to let you stay
So I did
It's funny
Isn't it?

You know it. I know it.
I'm the best thing that happened to you
I am your present
I am your future
There's nothing you could do but accept it
But you didn't
Choosing to run you fell
It wasn't my place to catch you

I killed you.
I did.
But that was the trade off
Your life for my support?
I gave you the chance you needed
And you let it slip away
So I watched you slip away
There's no time for quitters
But I made you happy if even for a while
The smiles, the laugh
That was all me
You can't deny it
You can't live without me so you have to go
And I have to move on
So as your eyes close I invite her in
The next one.

Survival Guide: New Year's Eve and Single

So all your friends are making plans for New Year's Eve (or Old Year's for us Caribbean folk) and are excited about the countdown reaching one and that glorious moment when they get to lock lips with "bae". It's annoying. I know. Being single around this time of year can be really a bummer especially if all your friends are not and ESPECIALLY especially if you're usually the one with the significant other. Being the only one by yourself when everyone is snuggled up in pairs sucks (believe me I know) but there are ways to get through this couple night, out-shadowed only by Valentine's Day, unscathed and having fun.

*Have other single friends? Grab 'em and hang out as much as possible together. Stick in a group and have some laughs. Make fun of all the partnered up people and pretend like you all don't care all while being bitter inside. There's nothing better than being around people who understand the struggle.

*Don't mind being alone? Respectfully decline that dinner or house party. Try hitting a new spot you've never been to. It's a good way to experience something new and see some unfamiliar faces. Who knows? You might even snag your own someone by the end of the night (amiright? :D )

*If you're not up to rubbing shoulders with others why not stay at home? Curl up in front of the television or laptop and watch your favorite movie with a nice glass of something liquored and some treats. You're guaranteed to feel good cause you're already doing something you like and you avoid those awkward pity looks you get when you're the third wheel...or fifth...or seventh...

*Avoid couple hangouts. Beach limes? With all that cold sea breeze you know the "Here babe let me warm you up" scenario is going to pop up sooner or later and as they say; hugging leads to raging sex (okay maybe they don't say that). Dinners? Even worse than limes cause you're stuck at the table watching people feed each other until the meal is over and you can wave your hand saying "Cheque please!" Try an office party or even family gathering. Someone's bound to make a fool of themselves and make everyone laugh (just make sure you're not the one lying down pretending to swim in a puddle of alcohol).


So those are some helpful tips for all you people out there (like myself) who will be partnerless and lonely for New Year's Eve. No one wants to be the odd one out. Simple human nature. But remember not having a boyfriend/girlfriend isn't any reason for you to not enjoy yourself and get pumped for a brand new year to begin so sit back, relax and toast to a new year (and hopefully a new partner v_v ).

The Boardwalk is definitely one of this island's selling points

Makes you okay with living here lol Fun day today :)

Handle Yourself

If there's one thing I've learned in the past year is that I'm the only person I can really, truly rely on. That doesn't mean that my parents and my family and my friends wouldn't do everything in their power to help me but at the end of the day no one will want the best for me and will stay by me like how I will. I am my greatest ally and I can also be my worst enemy. Stop blaming everyone for your failures and praise yourself for your achievements. No one is stopping you from winning at life except for yourself. And I know there are some people out there who will make it their personal mission to see that you don't succeed because no matter what you do there's always going to be that one person who just doesn't like you for one reason or another but that's when you have to focus your energy and decide for you that you're going to show those people that they can't touch you; they can't stop you from gaining what's your birthright.

I believe that everyone is placed here for a reason. It's up to you to decide whether or not you're going to figure out your purpose and if you're going to pursue it. I'm pretty passionate about a lot of things and over the years I've had to give up some of my interests because of family matters and other things. At first I used to blame my parents, my teachers, this person and that person for, in the typical teenage way, "ruining my life". Then my mother sat me down one day and said enough is enough, "You're young. Right now you don't have the authority to do whatever you want but there will come a time when that is. Either you plan for that time and make up your mind to tackle all the things you couldn't before or forget about them and move on with life. Either way you have to stop blaming everyone because you decide for you." That has stayed with me for a very long time and I don't think I'll ever forget it. I try my hardest to live by that now and there are somethings I've decided for myself that I will pursue until death and then they're some I've decided weren't worth keeping up. Will I regret my decisions? I probably will. But that's all a part of growing up and I've come to realize you can't run from regrets. You have to acknowledge them and do better next time,try harder next time.

So if you don't take anything away from this post at least take this. There is absolutely NO ONE stopping you from achieving the things you want to achieve. It is true that you will not get everything in life you want because that's just the nature of our existence. We're faced everyday with disappointments. But taking responsibility for yourself and trying as hard as you can will decide whether 10 years,40 years down the road you can sit back and tell yourself "Job well done/ I did the best I could" or if you'll be tossing and turning at night thinking "Maybe I should have/What if?". Which one will you choose?